Thoughts of a CTYer

2002-07-03T17:10:00.000-04:00

here i am...at CTY. and it's not so great after all.
i have a lot to say, please, if you care, email me?
emma, i miss you.
eva

2002-06-12T13:44:00.000-04:00

oh i know! i mean, finals, cruise, canobie, fencing, packing, term paper, quizzes, tests, projects, packets, and now...NATIONALS!
i just wanted to talk a little about nationals.
it hasn't really hit me yet, i mean, not truly. i'm excited to be getting on a plane tomorrow, and going to
chicago.
nationals will be great. we won't win, but i'm as prepared as i'm going to be. i am going to enjoy the weekend no matter what, and have a great time on saturday touring and at the banquet.
we will accomplish something by doing the best we can. wish me good luck-go massachusetts!
love
a nervous, confused, and excited
eva

2002-06-06T12:30:00.000-04:00

aww :( still, one can always hope...i'm sorry i haven't been writing at all...but, as you know, exams coming up...

2002-06-04T12:26:00.000-04:00

i know i haven't been writing a lot lately...my computer/internet is not working so great. in school now, but anyway. 9 daysto nationals. fencing is okay, and i have totally stopped communicating with the friends, but, it's okay actually, we're just totally split. my bday party was fun. as to visiting, emma? errrr i don't think it's gonna work out =( g2g...got term paper, finals, etc to work on.

2002-05-22T13:25:00.000-04:00

great! how are you feeling though? i hope you're ok and friends not getting you down too much! i'm sooo busy! i'm doing research research research constantly for my exam + revising this year's program...since well, um, i haven't been working at all this year *sheepish grin* is not as easy aas it might be *hec hem*
mm yes i've seen pics of anakin as he is rather cute :) i love the short hair w/ the single plaited tress :) cyoot! but obi wan kenobi was simply to cute w/ that hair style in episode 1...:(he don't ahve that hair cut no more *sniff*
anyway i gotta go :( have to finish a research on femminism ...
antyhing new on the visiting front? hope so!!
love love love
Emma

2002-05-20T21:29:00.000-04:00

it was good, i really liked it (episode 2). the script sucked to hell....but i still liked it. every emotional moment ruined, humor baaaad, and the ominous stuff way overdone, but i was very impressed by the effects, characters, and yodddaaa! and anakin is cute!
see spiderman too, tobey macguire with his shirt off is not so bad, and the movie is great.
=P
love ya
eva

2002-05-20T14:08:00.000-04:00

ohh you saw episode 2? was it good? i'll go see it soon! it's coming out here now too! isn't that cool?
anyway....i'm really sorry about you & your friends not getting along...i'm sure it's just a temporary thing, but if ever you need to talk *waves and points at self* you know who to come to! mwa!

Oh it seemed forever stopped today
All the lonely hearts in London
Caught a plane and flew away
And all the best women are married
All the handsome men are gay
You feel deprived

Yeah are you questioning your size?
Is there a tumour in your humour,
Are there bags under your eyes?
Do you leave dents where you sit,
Are you getting on a bit?
Will you survive
You must survive

When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Oh what are you really looking for?
Another partner in your life to
abuse and to adore?
Is it lovey dovey stuff,
Do you need a bit of rough?
Get on your knees

Yeah turn down the love songs that you hear
'Cause you can't avoid the sentiment
That echoes in your ear
Saying love will stop the pain
Saying love will kill the fear
Do you believe
You must believe
When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

I spy with my little eye
Something beginning with (ah)
Got my back up
And now she's screaming
So I've got to turn the track up
Sit back and watch the royalties stack up
I know this girl she likes to switch teams
And I'm a fiend but I'm living for a love supreme

When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Come and live a love supreme
Don't let it get you down
Everybody lives for love

....

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old
'cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

2002-05-19T21:38:00.000-04:00

ahhh love you emma
saw episode 2 yay!
friends not making me happy, crying.
later
eva

2002-05-19T09:15:00.000-04:00

eva! hi! so sorry i haven't written for sucha long time, but i had a three day field trip w/ school and have been soooo busy...preparing for evil exams!! i really must go, just wanted to drop a line! love love love,
emma

2002-05-18T13:13:00.000-04:00

it's a rainy rainy day here. bleh. usually i like rain, but this is the gray, depressing, blah rain-ice-hail kind. sleeeeeppppyyyy.

2002-05-17T20:04:00.000-04:00

the more things change, the more they stay the same. i admit it, i'm beginning to be wistful about middle school. i am beginning to realize that i take my grades too seriously, it doesn't matter what you get in 8th grade. my year, my three years...over. actually the whole thing has been put in perspective by my fights with my friends. i guess i can't wait for CTY, not like i'm so excited i can't wait, but i need it. i'm starting to fall apart. not fall apart meltdown tears can't go on fall apart, but like falling apart at the seams. i'm too tired, i don't care, i don't find anything so exciting or inspiring like i used to. i'm losing my me-ness. sleep...that's what i want. i need CTY to give me back my energy. it's become, despite everything jaime said, my place i need to go. when i need to be someone else, i find CTY inside of me.
music keeps me going, greenday (time of your life), eve 6 (here's to the night) and stuff like that. every weekend now to july 14 or whatever is busy, isn't that sad? nationals...i just want it to be over! ahh! fencing is getting to be a drag too.
there's the cruise, graduation, and canobie to look forward to tho, at least.
i miss you, and i love you. i would like very much if you called.
a tired, confused eva.

2002-05-16T17:12:00.000-04:00

life
i walked into the house today...so cool. outside it's summer coming. i love it. capris and short sleeves, summer is in the air, in the sky, and in my eyes.
i talked to meghan. her birthday, along with chen chen and may's, was may 9. i haven't written for a while, i realize. the dance was good, fencing is ok, mathcounts is not working out. we just don't have it. the team is either THERE or will never be THERE, and we're not there.
nationals is so soon, four weeks. school slips away, what with mcas and all.

reflections...
sixth grade was my year to worry too much, few friends, not as secure...
seventh grade was my year to break out, go for popular, try to be in...
eighth grade is different. i want to be between those extremes. i want to maintain my true self, my personal integrity, while expanding my circle of friends. i have found out a lot about myself, and about other people. i'm more comfortable with me, i like myself. i can be smart but not nerdy, in but not a slut. i like that, i like to be friends with the masses but not the masses themselves.
and it saddens me to see my friends who are the masses. they tell me i'm a worse person then i should be, that i've changed.
and this i say to them: of course i've changed, what right have you to tell me who i am? i reject you! i turn my back on you who have left me. i am better without you and i do not need you, nor your veiled insults. i know who i am.
and you are not a part of me.
goodbye.

2002-05-08T13:30:00.000-04:00

suuuuuummmmmer won't it come?

the crash of the waves
the smell of the sea
i walk along the beach
so content
lost in the moment

where are you?
why aren't you with me?
i ask
come, walk with me

feel the sun on your back
the sand beneath your feet

and the sky, blue as the sea
the clouds float like feathers

come, they say
fly with us

maybe tomorrow

i love you

2002-05-05T17:08:00.000-04:00

i will remember you
will you remember me?

i'm babysitting right now...but also taking the opportunity to talk. lol. i saw lk on thursday, after i went ot the big apple circus =)...he is incredible..and i love the sarong he gave me! hopefully this memorial day reunion is gonna work, but my mom is like "will there be parents?" (no!) and plus her birthday is that sunday...but maybe i could come for a day? we'll see.
so my saturday date with chen chen didn't work out, but sheila came. yay for sheila!
tuesday is a half-day, which will be great.
6 weeks to nationals...
but 4 weeks ahead without fiddle, yay? i mean i like it, but the time is good. so, happy.
i need to reevaluate my life. do you ever feel like that? i'm really starting to question who my friends are (having lost two) and what i can do for them. i think i've been taking my good friends for granted, but to all of you, i'm here for you. call me if you're happy or sad, or you just want to say hi. to the two ppl who especially are having hard times right now, i am with you, i think about you all the time. as i do for anyone reading this. you all matter to me, did you know that?
i like you, i love you.
i
cty
you.
remember the passionfruit.

2002-05-05T17:01:00.000-04:00

yay for lyrics!
::coughcough i haven't got those cds actually:: lol
hehe consider it my birthday present, or graduation from eighth grade, or something, if you ever get around to it.... thank you so much!
actually a question for someone with a burner, i'll pay you to burn me a dance cd, like with cottoneyed joe, electric slide, macarena...all that stuff, if anyone's interested let me know.
BIRTHDAYS!
may 7-jess f-h
may 9-may, meghan, chen chen =P
love you all

and

i love you meghan.
meghan's dad passed away recently, for anyone who didn't know...we are here for you chica! love! i'm so sorry...
to everyone: it's less than two months (cty)...i love you...
to chiara and teresa-good luck on the APs
to emma-i'm still looking =)
to dot-i love you, i'm calling every day! =)

2002-05-03T22:16:00.000-04:00

JOHN MAYER IS THE COOLEST GUY EVVVVVVVERRR
I just remembered that time at the market
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
and rolled down aisle five
you looked behind you to smile back at me
and crashed into a rack full of magazines
they asked us if we could leave

I can't remember what went wrong last September
though I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to

our love was comfortable and so broken in

I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to
my friends all approve,
say "she's gonna be good for you"
they throw me high fives
she says the Bible is all that she reads
and prefers that I not use profanity
your mouth was so dirty

life of the party and she swears that she's artsy
but you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane

our love was comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect
so flawless
or so they say

she thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
grey sweatpants
no makeup
so perfect

our love was comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect or so they say
so flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back
~yay more john mayer :) "comfortable" good lyrics, don't ya think?

2002-05-02T12:35:00.000-04:00

oh eva! i forgot to tell you when you rang...for my bro's b-day we bought a cd burner...so...i thought i might send you the queen I and II greatest hits if you wanted...the only problem is that my mom doesn't want to mail them since it's illegal blah blah blah BUT...if you're thinking of getting them and haven't yet...hold on because...well *mwahahah* i might get 'round that...

2002-05-02T12:33:00.000-04:00

don't you know who i am?
remember my name
fame
i wanna live forever
i'm gonna learn how to fly
i've finally got it together
people who see me will cry
fame
i'm gonna make it to heaven
light up the sky like a flame
i wanna live forever
baby remember my name
remember
remember
remember...

2002-05-01T17:07:00.000-04:00

so take the photographs and still frames in your mind
hang them on a shelf in good health and good time

2002-04-30T15:43:00.000-04:00

yay for all you ppl who make me smile!
emma, dot, lk, aure, sheila, kara, sarah, and CHEN CHEN
to name a few

love you guys!

2002-04-29T21:37:00.000-04:00

damn shit.
i don't give. the hell with it all.
all of it.

2002-04-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

Tribute to a Friendship Lost

Once upon a time, there were two good friends. Their names were Shadow and Everclear. They were different in some ways, but similar in others. Both enjoyed running, good food, and Blink-182. They went to school together, were overworked together, got stressed and went shopping together.
The two had many a great time: they could remember a week spent on vacation, a laugh, a smile, a messy room. It was a wonderful friendship, though not without its faults. But then things changed.
Well, sure. Things always change, you say. Would you prefer that they stay the same?

and i'm not done writing the rest of it, but this is how it COULD go: and then one of them turned into a bitch hahahahaha the end. or not? no i think i'll end it differently.
to be continued

2002-04-27T19:28:00.000-04:00

chiara those lyrics are so GOOD!
damn today SUCKED. like the level of suckiness was extraodinary. and it was a saturday! AHHHHHHdamn

2002-04-27T18:35:00.000-04:00

you know the saying about boys and crying? that they're not worth crying over and the one who is won't make you cry...shouldn't friends be like that?

2002-04-27T00:06:00.000-04:00

OK CAN I GIVE YOU GUYS THE LYRICS TO THE BEST SONG EVER EVER EVER:

"welcome to the real world"
she said to me condescendingly
"take a seat, take your life
plot it out in black and white"
well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
and the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
is still hiding up my sleeve

they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

so the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
faded white hats grabbing credits, maybe transfers
they read all the books but they can't find the answers
all of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
while in their memories, tiny tragedies

they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
as long as I'm alive

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait for my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
and when I stand on these tables before you
you will know what all this time was for

(john mayer - no such thing)

2002-04-26T23:58:00.000-04:00

A.) I AM CONFUSED ABOUT THE LIFE OF EVA.
B.) i like to write in french. j'aime beaucoup ecrire dans francais. haha i wrote dot a whole dialogue about her coming to visit me. with NOOO TRANSLATOR. i was proud. hhaha. i don't think it made sense, but she doesn't even know french.
C.) AwWWWW why won't ya draw him?
D.) I AM GOING TO FAIL MY EXAMS. wOOOHJOOOO
E.) I AM AT AN EXTREME LACK OF OREOS RIGHT NOW.
F.) ONLY TWO MONTHS LEFT OF SCHOOL AND MEMORIAL DAY IS SOEMWHERE IN TEHRE WHICH'LL BE THE MOST WONDERFULLEST COOLEST WEEKEND IN EVER.
G.) I AM HUNGRY. i ate mac & cheese tooooooooo. but i think i got bleach in it. hahah like soft scrub with bleach, y a know the cleaner stuff? i was rinsing the macaroni after i cooked it, and liek the bottle fell in. i think i am paranoid cause it's not like i put any in, but ewwww. yeah, so if i die from myseterious causes tell the doctors it was the bleach. yeahhhhhhhhh
H.) I TOOK A NICE FOUR HOUR NAP TODAY and i woke up and i thought i had to go to school and i was late and it was funny for my dad who was like "HAHAH chiara you are running around confused for no reason."
I.) I HAVE TO STUDY. but, food > study and pass tests
J.) MAH BOY IS GOIN TO PROM WITH SOMEONE ELSE I THINK. adkjfklsadjfskdfjsa;dlfjksadfj;ldskjf wahhhh hahaha i am such a loser. yahhhhh :_
K.) HIIIIIIIIIIIII
L.) ok i am going to stop writing before ya'll beat me up. plus i really should study. ahhhhh two weeks.
M.) don't go chasing waterfallsssssss just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used toooooo.
N.) YEAHHH I AM GOING TO GO ON A SEARCH FOR OREOS NOW. :)

LVOVEOLVEOEOVEOV,
CHICKENARA MCBEARENNEY

2002-04-26T16:19:00.000-04:00

http://sanz.addr.com/heh/withoutu.htm lol, take a look!
*mwa* 'tis for you!

2002-04-24T15:33:00.000-04:00

emmmmmaaaaaaa
and
LK IS COMING
i love you
jon good loves you?
eva loves you
eva is good. good loves you. i love good. good loves eva?
good.
i am good.
i love

2002-04-22T15:44:00.000-04:00

la de da dee da continuing with my list, i'll restart at 16
first of all tho things to avoid:
lauren bartolotti
fights with friends
and
volleyballllll
ah

2002-04-21T16:41:00.000-04:00

it's over.
there was something there and it's just completely over.

damn.

2002-04-21T15:26:00.000-04:00

yay for eva's bitchiness. all real names eliminated from the below email.

all right.
i have to say, this allegation about ----- is not fair of you guys. i have not been using her! i was furious at you! i didn't act specifically to make you mad, i acted without regard to the fact that i knew i would anger you. there is a difference! i have changed my point of view from stupid to what i think is more realistic. the thing is, i really do want to have discussions, but i can't talk to you anymore without it turning into personal attacks. i'm not victimizing myself here i'm explaining! i know you won't think that but i'm not trying to make you guys guilty i'm trying to have reasonable discussions. i hope that we can all talk without screaming sometime. i know you are furious and I AM TOO. you know what? i put it behind me to talk to you.
what is this about me not taking blame? i have said over and over it is my fault, are you not at all listening? i don't think it's fair to say i'm the only one at fault tho. i have been accepting that but i can't sit here and let you say that everything is 100% completely and totally my fault. i made a wry joke in poor context and you LEAP on me. please can we not kill each other?
now i'm obviously pretty upset right so please don't take this and kill me because of it. i'm not sure what to do but i've said at least the tip of my iceberg, perhaps more angrily than is good at all to do. there.
eva

hahahahaha yayayayayduf ag;fka i feel better but this whole fight sucks.
adi ukg;ksu hf;lfaj damn i hate it.
aail klgfm dg amjt smk s

2002-04-20T21:49:00.000-04:00

hahaha draw nooooo but he's kinda cuttttteeee he's the coolest. yay for chen chen, the no longer single.

2002-04-20T21:34:00.000-04:00

WILL YOU DRAW HIM?!?!?!
hahahhaahhaha

2002-04-19T12:50:00.000-04:00

ahh! any chance of scanning a pic and emailing it to me? *me ish curious!**mwahahaha* anyway, me wants to know more! *is starting to talk petz slang...ahhh!*

2002-04-18T23:43:00.000-04:00

BOYFRIENDS ARE NICE

2002-04-18T23:17:00.000-04:00

TELL ME MORE
I WANT A PICTURE ;)

2002-04-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

!!!!!!

2002-04-18T21:55:00.000-04:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love chen chen

2002-04-18T19:16:00.000-04:00

emma chiara i LOVE YOU. thanks so much.
home from vaca, details later. hot guy tho lol.
chiara what's ur number? i know i lost it like twice this time i won't. actually the problem was it washed off my hand.
confused, lost, and nervous (ooh details on my crush later!)
love again
eva

2002-04-18T16:15:00.000-04:00

oh that's a song by will smith. haha "parents just don't understand". its funnnnnnnnnnny. back from old school will smith days. ya know, when he was with dj jazzy jeff?? i soooooo have that cd. well, actually it is the greatest hits album. wow, don't y'all miss the early days of will smith? yeah! bring back prince of belair. haha that show is still on WB at 6:30 i think. good stuff. yah.. so where am i going with this again?

2002-04-17T13:12:00.000-04:00

eva...don't let things get you down! we love you, we LOVE you! parents just don't understand...

2002-04-13T18:11:00.000-04:00

eva,
you are wonderful
we love you
parents are stupid
call me if you need to talk/bitch/complain/etc.
cty is soon
smile, no parents for three weeks
only two more months :)

2002-04-11T20:06:00.000-04:00

i hate this. yesterday i was so happy. but now life sucks.
my dad and i just had a huge fight. this is what i do: when i fight with him i hold my temper, hard as it is. he yells and swears. but tonite i broke.
i swore back at him and i yelled louder than i ever have before.
and he thinks he can come and be all nicey-nice five minutes later? hell no. HELL NO. WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS HIS FUCKING PROBLEM THAT BASTARD.
he told me he wanted me to go. move out?
shit.
i want all this to be over. i hate my life. i can't take this crap anymore.
FUCK HIM.
i called dot and he took the phone away. please god someone call me. on second thought, why should they? my life is a mess, it seems like all this good stuff has been frosting covering up a burnt cake or some other shitty saying like that. shitshitshit.
fuck.
FUCK. FUCK HIM. I HATE MYSELF.

2002-04-10T18:54:00.000-04:00

i want to write something tonite.
i want to write something about how i've been feeling lately.
i want to write something that will capture the beauty i see around me.
i want to write.

the other day, i had a realization.
there is so much more to life than anyone sees.
and i'm not going to waste it anymore.
when you go on a walk, and you come back, someone says to you, what did you see?
and you say,
nothing.
and now when i go for a walk i look around me. i see the color and energy. the sky is so open and free, and the grass is so green. i see possibility, i see wonder. i see the life. the earth is bursting with life, it is pulsating and longing to break free of the winter which contains is. we are surrounded by exquisite, incredible beauty.
have you ever wanted to have a second chance?
every day is your second chance. you can start again. be what you want to be. emnbrace your surroundings. people will like you if you like yourself. one time, something really neat happened in gym. all these girls were talking about how they hate summer because they hate their legs. this one girl goes, i like my legs. and i was like wow, you know, she's got the right attitude. i hear people self-criticizing all the time. i'm not like that anymore. i like my hair. i like my face. i like myself! i'm beautiful, and so are you.
don't waste what you have. CTY is an extrordinary gift. i learned something that i had to learn for myself: don't waste it. and when it rains, dance. kiss the rain, and live with passion.
you have no limits but those which you set for yourself.
what is love?
i know what love is. i've never fallen in love, but i know what love is.
love is when you want someone else to be happy. love is when you're not jealous anymore. love is when you know that the world is beautiful. love is something you have to figure out for yourself. love is the ability to see the world as it is, or as it has the potential to be. love is a beautiful dream. love is compassion, love is respect, love is breathtaking, love is exhilarating, love is wonderful. i love you.

2002-04-08T16:39:00.000-04:00

all right i think the blogger is semibroken but oh well...
thursdayyyyyyyyy
so m (full name withheld) and i were going to go for a walk on saturday or sunday but then it didn't work for various reasons so taking sheila's advice i callllllled him sunday nite at 8
damn dinner but he sounded interested (??) so we're all three going for a walk on thursday, the day of the math meet. yay!
love
eva

2002-04-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

lovvvvveeeeeeee

2002-04-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

this hasn't been working in a while

2002-04-03T11:04:00.000-05:00

*mwha* me loves you too! lol! <----is hyper right now

2002-04-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

first of all
--------NOTE------
i'm not as vulgar in real life as i am online. please just understand that there are some things in my life where i can't walk up to someone and go "what the fuck were you thinking when you said blahblahblah you bitch?!?" so i'll do it online. stuff like that. writing how i feel makes me feel a lot better...
so back to my former entry.
chiara is my first person of the day. she is everything i want to be! nice and funny and charismatic and beautiful and all that. we are the ass police. taking care of unspirited ctyers, hot guys and....uh.....fighting crime!
dot is warm and fuzzy and nice. she is my second person of the day.
third is aurelia. who is just plain funny. she knows how to make you happy and laugh your ass off!
fourth is EMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. emma i love you. get this: she moved away two years ago. that's a long time people. and yes we've changed...but in almost parallel ways. maybe i will be able to visit her this summer. i hope. i miss you emma, i think of you every day. mwah

2002-04-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

wellllll emma i'll email you
on emma's comments...
15. reincarnation KICKS ASS!!!
and so do i, i'll explain that later when i do my person of the day today (actually there are tw, maybe more)
love
eva

2002-03-31T14:13:00.000-05:00

hey eva, any ideas when we could meet online?

2002-03-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

11. why didn't stupid blogger put spaces in between the things? that bugs me

2002-03-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

hmmm i think i'll join you on the 100 things about me thingie
1. i scored 48 % on the freak test :)
2. i love formula 1
3. i am seriously obsessed w/ terry pratchett and his discworld
4. i intensely dislike people who judge others based on their background
5. i FIRMLY believe in reincarnation
6. i am seriously addicted to chocolate
7. i am seriously annoyed by pop up ads
8. i constantly daydream
9. i'm in lub w/ my doggie :) *huggles smudge*
10. i *almost* always fight w/ my bro

2002-03-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

11. i love fencing.
12. i am not, basically, a good person.
13. i am 24% slut. (only!)
14. i am 47% bitch.(oh yeah!)

2002-03-27T17:43:00.000-05:00

(number 3 continued) back defect but nothing much to worry about.
4. i have an anorexic friend. that's not a joke.
5. know what i don't like? i don't like overly religious people. one in particular has been annoying me lately....
6. i also don't like mean, discriminatory people. i hate that! "his shoes are soooo gay" i hate that kind of stuff
7. i like CTY. i don't love it right now, but i like it. i don't know, i'm so confused.
8. i do not like my parents.
9. i do not believe in God, but i believe in some sort of god-thing.
10. my lucky number is 6.

2002-03-26T19:26:00.000-05:00

hahaha we already knew that one aurelia.
anyway, i saw this cool idea on another journal, so i'm doing it.
100 things about me...but not all at once.
1. i live with three people on diets. and it's making me go on one too, i feel so calorie-concious and guilty about everything i eat now. i hate it.
2. i have a crush on my neighbor. i love his voice, i love his smile, i love his hair, i love his height, i love his laugh, i love his personality, i love his humor, i love his advice, oh god i love his voice i LOVE HIS SMILE!...i love himmmmmmmmm
3. i was screened in gym and i am 5'3 1/2'' 96 pounds with a slight

2002-03-25T17:18:00.000-05:00

*kills goat and roasts it with fresh mint*
I scored a 56% on the freak test...there is something seriously wrong with me...

2002-03-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

i wanna FENCE, SHOP, somethin, i'm so damn restless right now...
damn goat

2002-03-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

my mom is so...i mean, it's positively funny. her latest proclamation on clothes?
i should not shop at abercrombie and fitch because it promotes an "overly sexual/explicit image" that "we don't want to support"...
hahaha what kind of bull is that it's the 21 century and i'm not even a slut, she should be grateful!
lol
eva

2002-03-24T15:18:00.000-05:00

yay i talked to emma! italy possible? i think so...

2002-03-23T09:09:00.000-05:00

If I phone you around 9:30 your time today, that ok? Guess you won't get to see this before that...but anywhoo...

2002-03-20T09:03:00.000-05:00

current mood: tired, silly
music: whatever you say-no that isn't a band or song, i'm in a weird mood...
hehe whatever goes as long as there's a rock band with a drummer =P
i'll have to explain that one later

2002-03-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

that song is wicked good....
hehe i'm in school right now but i just got back from the high school so i have about 3 minutes before my next class starts. yay!
anyway our amusement park ride sux, details later....
love,
eva
=)

2002-03-19T17:55:00.000-05:00

hahahahaha thanks emma, we really are twins i guess

2002-03-19T16:19:00.000-05:00

Whatever happened to the funky race?
A generation lost in pace,
-Wasn´t life supposed to be more than this?
In this kiss I´ll change your bore for my bliss
But let go of my hand and it will slip out in the sand if you don´t give me the chance
to break down the walls of attitude,
I ask nothing of you
not even your gratitude

And if you think I´m corny
then it will not make me sorry
it´s your right to laugh at me
and in turn, that´s my oppurtunity
to feel brave
Because ridicule is no shame
it´s just a way to eclipse hate
it´s just a way to put my back straight
it´s just a way to remain sane

Every morning I would see her getting off the bus the picture never drops
it´s like a multicoloured snapshot stuck in my brain
it kept me sane for a couple of years
as it drenched my fears
of becoming like the others
who become unhappy mothers
and fathers of unhappy kids
And why is that?
´Cause they´ve forgotten how to play
maybe they´re afraid to feel ashamed
to seem strange
to seem insane
to gain weight
to seem gay
- I tell you this:

That it takes a fool to remain sane
It takes a fool to remain sane
It takes a fool to remain sane
In this world all covered up in shame
(-Oh, take it to the stage!)

So, take it to the stage in a multicoloured jacket take it jackpot, crackpot,
strutting like a peacock
nailvarnish Arkansas
shimmy-shammy featherboah crackpot haircut
dye your hair in glowing red and blue,

-Do, Do, Do! What you wanna do, Don´t think twice, do what you have to do,
Do, Do, Do,Do, let your heart decide what you have to do that´s all there is to find
Cause it takes a fool to remain sane,
Oh,It takes a fool to remain sane
It takes a fool to remain sane
In this world all covered up in shame
It takes a fool to remain sane,
It takes a fool to remain sane
It takes a fool to remain sane
In this world all covered up in shame
-Oh, it takes a fool!..

2002-03-19T15:13:00.000-05:00

Eva! I'm so sorry I wasn't online when i had agreed to meet you! I've been so busy last week and I'vea lso been feeling...lousy. Oh well. You know, I feel that way too sometimes...just want to stop doing what people WANT me to do. Esp. at school...like if for once i don't do great on something, the teachers will ALWAYS comment on it, while for tohers they wouldn't...that seriously bugs me and makes seriously angry. Hmm i'm making a lot of sense aren't i. Oh, by the way, I an also 34.1 % freak...how weird!

2002-03-17T15:44:00.000-05:00

i do not like my teachers...
okay 2 essays in two weeks? and TWO DAYS to do a frickin' HUGE project? Bbigger than a TEST??? HELLLLOOOOOO!!!!
not to mention the major science project!
thanks guys!
grrrrrr

2002-03-16T18:46:00.000-05:00

so here it is...
the story of how i'm going to nationals.
on saturday, march 2, the state competition for massachusetts was held at the Wentworth Institute of Technology.
i came in 11th, 22/30 on the 40-minute sprint round, 7/8 on the target round. my score was 36 (score=sprint plus 2*target). the team members (top 4) scored 39, 38, 38, and 37...if i had scored 38 i would be on the team...
i had sat next to the first-place finisher, sam gross of belmont, and we agreed on all the target round answers after they had collected it...and he got 8/8 target, so whywhywhy didn't i?
i asked my school coach ms wetter to appeal it.
she did.
wednesday march 6...
i didn't know this, but about 100 people were looking for me by the time i got back from my high school math to the middle school.
ms wetter found me-"eva, could you come sign this?"
"mm hm, what is it?"
"the information for nationals"
"ms wetter, stop lying to me"
"no you're going"
"!!!!!!" (bursts into tears)
and that's it...the best day of my life so far.
then we had a math meet and clarke won and i got a perfect score.
YAY!
love

2002-03-14T19:18:00.000-05:00

does anyone understand me when i say this? i want to be bad.
i want to do something terrible.
yes, i would feel bad...but i'm tired of being good, i want to be bad!
my parents wouldn't get it, they would hate me...my friends would shun me...
and everyone else at my damn school would hate me even more
no one knows me well enough to support me.
what can i do?
help me damnit!

2002-03-14T18:55:00.000-05:00

i could be GOOD
and i WOULD
if i knew i was understood
and it'll be great
just wait
or is it TOO LITTLE, too late?
one day, this embarassment will be behind me,
and that day, i can think of things that won't remind me...
BNL-too little, too late

2002-03-12T19:49:00.000-05:00

all you wanted-michelle branch

if you want to
i can save you
i can take you away from here...
so lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you want is just somebody who cares

i like to adopt lyrics, and adapt them...i don't care what the wordwords are, but i hear the music and write what it says to me.

all i want is just somebody who cares.

sam.

2002-03-12T19:41:00.000-05:00

she paints her nails and she don't know
he's got her best friend on the phone...
she'll wash her hair, his dirty clothes
are all he gives to her

her boyfriend he don't know
anything about her institution
he's too stoned

she's dressed to kill the TVs on
he's connected the sound
and he's got pictures on the wall
of all the girls he's loved before
and she knows all his favorite songs

i wish that i could make her see she's just he flavor of the weak....
YEAH!

that is good music, make that kick-ass (Flavor of the Weak, American Hi-Fi)
check it out, they've got some wicked good guitar/drum stuff going' on there

so about nationals
first practice friday, i can't wait!
i do want to tell you all the full story it's great! but there just isn't time now
i've got to work
mathmathmath i love it.
congrats to chen chen, exeter-bound!
current mood: good, but mellow...thinking, reflecting...happy but a little bit sad. you know what i mean?
i love you
cty is forever

2002-03-12T16:50:00.000-05:00

Freak Test
I am 34.1% freak

2002-03-07T17:33:00.000-05:00

I LOVE MEGHAN

2002-03-07T17:02:00.000-05:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
they screwed up...big time...two people misscored my test!!!!!! THEY WERE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM GOING TO NATIONALS!!!!!!!

later when i feel like writing i will tell you the whole story...it's quite amusing really. words cannot express how grateful i am!
i love you all.
eva

2002-03-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

that would be great if you could manage to come visit! *tries to think of way to help out eva manage* anyway, I'm glad you feel better :) i really have to go though...homework awaits me...ahhh!

2002-03-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

i hope to make a big entry about my life, since there's lots to tell...probably today since it looks like i'm not gonna be too busy....i love you all and will find a way to call and email each and every one...please, spread my weblink, especially to other CTYers from Laura O's hall or just anyone i know...and thank you so much for reading....love

2002-03-05T13:55:00.000-05:00

OMG you guys are the sweetest i was so touched by the entries...it's school (computer aided design) but i'm finished with the assignment so i came to write how i'm feeling a bit better...make that a LOT better!
so emma, if you didn't know, is this awesome friend from italy...i'm SOOOO sorry for not calling i had to work and go to lunch...it turned out to be a really hectic weekend. i am so going to find a way to visit, i have $125 saved up now for flight money!!!! i know that's not a lot but for me, that's something...
and thank you to all the prompt responses about the reunion...yay i'm so excited!!!! this is gonna be awesome....
more later and i'll put little blurbs about all the people who will hopefully be writing in/reading my journal regularly to al sorta introduce you cool people.

2002-03-04T18:23:00.000-05:00

heyo all...this Aurelia, I'm a friend of Eva's. I also went to CTY last summer, but in Schnectady.
Anyways, I was also in the math competition she went to on Sat...and you wouldn't BELIEVE what kind of geniuses she was up against. I still insist that if Eva insists on carrying on with this masochism, someone should whack her ;) She should be VERY proud of herself. :-D
Eva, I know you're thinking that these 3 odd years were a total waste- so was I. But do you have ANY idea how useful this kind of experience will be later on? I mean, 800 in SAT Math is guarenteed, and the Math Olympiad at the High School is sorta Mathcounts-ish; this practice will be a MASSIVE help [Call me for more info on Olympiad]. You might even be thinking that you don't even want to BOTHER with the Olympiad- Saturday was enough of a failure for you. As ANYONE can tell you, you are great at math. Ask anybody- even Sam. He will GUARENTEE that you are great at math. 10th in the state of Massachusetts, one of the BEST states, is nothing to sneeze at. And hey, they might even give you calculators ;)
Life's not over just because Mathcounts is.

2002-03-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

Eva! Hi! *huggles* don't go on at yourself! I can't believe you're calling yourself a no-talent! I wish I could be half as good as you are at so many things! You're absolutely the funniest, loveliest, most amazing person i know! You make me feel happy, you make me feel warm...and we goof off together :) Ahhh...remember the good times? I reallly hope you can come this summer! *huggles again* I hope you feel better soon!

2002-03-04T15:13:00.000-05:00

Eva! Hi! *huggles* don't go on at yourself! I can't believe you're calling yourself a no-talent! I wish I could be half as good as you are at so many things!

2002-03-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

well, this is just dandy. lovely. i had a great day today. i got up at 6:45 and then fucked up the biggest math competition of my life. i thought i was good at something...whoops, wrong again, i suck. yup, that's me, the no-talent. a waste of a good saturday. maybe i should have gone skiing after all? or at least fencing. this is definitely the biggest disappointment of my life so far...how do i know? i scored each major occasion, and this came out on top. wow, why am i not looking forward to this thrilling and wonderful math competiion on wednesday? it's just another chance for me to destroy what it took me 2 1/2 years of preparation for...that's how long i wanted to go to nationals for. when mr mosca told us about mark lipson wanting to be first, the summer before 6th grade, i thought to myself, i'm not as good as he is but here's what i want. i want to go to nationals. i want to be there, i want to know i'm one of the best 228 in the country. i want the pins, the food, the tours, i want it all. and most of all i want a graphing calculator with the word mathcounts on it. that's what mathcounts means to me. i wanted a calculator that says that. i wanted to feel good at something and for once in my life i wanted to be able to go to a competition where i was proud to be there and who gives a shit if i'm first or last. what the hell. i just wanted to have fun.

2002-03-02T17:54:00.000-05:00

damndamndamndamndamndamndamn

2002-02-25T20:53:00.000-05:00

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who is it that I should call?

Tell me, tell me, tell me quick,
What CTYer should I pick?

Meghan the warm or Dot the funny?
Kim the fair or Jill, so sunny?

I love them all so very much,
But now I seem to have a hunch.

About my parents view on this
And also that of Al, my sis.

I'll be DEAD if I do call
Won't I, mirror on the wall?

2002-02-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

changed my mind, kim and i had a GREAT time!

2002-02-23T20:16:00.000-05:00

I am depressed.
Kim is gone, and I don't think she had a good time. Did I?
We watched a movie that I didn't want to watch, but ended up being great, then spent a miserably cold couple of minutes walking to the center (the next morning). Fencing? A disaster.
The mall was the worst, and also somewhat the best. I'm upset about Kim. She worries me.
And, I worry myself...
So jealous, everyone ELSE is better.

2002-02-17T16:13:00.000-05:00

if i had a million dollars, i'd buy your love.

update: i'm into poetry right now...

anyway all of you it's FIRST SESSION FOR ME...how about u? how many people actually read this anyway? i'm almost afraid to put a hit counter up =P
more later,
love
eva

2002-02-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am liberated!
for a whole beautiful week!
hello, world!
let's hear it for sleepovers, sleeping in, shopping, fencing, working my ass off preparing for states, and kim coming to sleep over!
this is gonna kick ass everyone!!!!
love,
eva
p.s. how was your valentine's day?
full report on mine later...

2002-02-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

i love kim...the new girl is nice...but my history/english teacher gave us four fucking packets! c'mon people!!!!!
kim is gonna come for a sleepoverYAYAYAYAYYAYAY
kim is my PERSON of the dAy!!!! continued later will be right bak after this commershul bRakE...
imissyoudotandthisreunionisnotworkingbutwhatthehellwhogivesashitanyway?iloveyouguyscurrentmoodscrewedupandanywaytheolympicsaresoethnocentricforus,thenationisbadlikethatilovepitheamckickedasslyiwannaseeeveryonebutseeingsomeisgoodtooilovelKyeahphorfilumhisamtooandyowassupgracefullyheyolgachazbeatywristhahahahahahahahahaha
theend
andtheyalllivedhappilyNeverafter

2002-02-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

cty was home to me
i had a new life there
but everyone forgot me...
now i wonder, did they care?

often i get email
sometimes even a phonecall
but only one or two of them
i want to talk to all

lost my sense of wonder
i feel like a nevermore
everything's depressing
was it all this bad before?

dad yells at me, swearing
mom takes my "priveleges" away
sister just can't stand me...
can i take another day?

if i ran would you help me?
are you there when i'm so blue?
no matter what the answer just rememeber
you're a ctyer i love you

2002-02-11T19:50:00.000-05:00

CTY Means To Me...
sunrise and tears, photos and smiles.
It means home and friendship, love and learning.
Physics, bad food, rinas, rhinos.
My hall, jellybeans, sandals, first friends.
Duct tape and dot's room, amy's shoes but dot's clothes.
It means laughter, talks, homesickness, campsickness
passionfruit
and end but a beginning, all ages, all people
It's about the posse, the breakdancing, charlie's angels, and late-night talks.
It was a place to call my own, but to share with everyone.
The tape, the dances, American Pie, the gap kid...
heith and rollers. and my striped underwear. why did you cry on my birthday?
i wanna be bad...
we were together.
i don't remember you.

2002-02-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

sadness...
i miss cty, and i hate my life here.
i miss you all.

I LOVE THE PASSIONFRUIT...

and i love the memories...but it's too painful to think of CTY often, as clearly as i remember it all. i cry when i dwell on the past.

please call me?

2002-02-06T20:23:00.000-05:00

Person of the Day Today
is Sean.
Even though I don't know him so well, I really like Sean. He's a great guy. I love his website, maybe I'll post it here. He's awesome! Old as he may be (actually just older than me, which everyone is anyway), I think we'll become good friends. YEAH SEAN!!!! Hope the appointment goes well!

2002-02-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

LOVE

2002-02-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Dot. Your LJ made me very happy.
I am mad at my parents.
I made a new friend today. Sean is the coolest!
A firm friendship will anchor your foundation in a successful life in bed.
CALL ME EVERYONE!
Love,
Eva
P.S. More Friday or whenever I have time. MathCounts tomorrow.

2002-02-04T19:35:00.000-05:00

well, fortune cookies...
and the in bed game, (where you add on "in bed" to the end of the fortune)
so here are a couple:
*what's hidden in an empty box in bed?
*you will overcome obstacles to reach success in bed
*new ideas will increase your reputation in bed
*today is your lucky day in bed
lol thanks for teaching me, dot!!!
LOVE TO ALL!!!
eva

2002-02-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

OH YES
about the dance: it was good...my friends and i just had FUN which was great, y'know, not caring what others think. lol, it rocked! i got up the nerve to dance with a guy i like...and one little twerp (NO BAD LANGUAGE!) almost ruined it but NO!!!! no one can ruin MY happiness =)

2002-02-03T11:29:00.000-05:00

BTW, i'm in NY at my grandma's...
what session are YOU going to?
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
please, call me sometime...
love

2002-02-03T11:28:00.000-05:00

Person of the Day:
DOT.
Because Dot is wonderful. She is nice and funny and beautiful and loving and talkable and brave and unique. I love Dot. She gave me the bestest photo album. I GAVE HER THE TAPE! Dot makes me happy; she is great. I am so glad that Dot likes her school and very proud of her athletic accomplishments. (VOLLEYBALL!!) She understands me. Dot is incredible. We had THE BEST time together yesterday. Thank you Dot! love

2002-02-03T11:21:00.000-05:00

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
happyyayhappyyaylkdshfihasltkhpwor ofdsihlWKMENHP 9AOWYU;OASHF M.M,N;ISD NFAUGALI liugdsf lasjfglasl;jaLAKSJ H;H ;i h;o ;GL J jas; fh;oug ;nalbaaku\
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i saw dot last night for 4 1/2 glorious hours. we had the best time. we watched the cty horror movie, looked at her pics, set fire to marshmallows.......BTW, what is hidden in an empty box IN BED???? hahahahaha
it was FABUGLORIOUS!
and dot is 47% slut.....lol
also saturday was a HUGEMONGOUSCARY math competition but it was GREAT!!!! WE WON!!!!!!!! i did pretty well....ok, i'm gonna brag, sorry everyone..i came in 3/167 people! top female! i was so excited! happynesss lol.
yay!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!
ha;ldsjhflkajh
lasidfjhgUTELHBA
lhgkfasugaklwyASDFNAKHESliugaog;gausf ashgfyulkaakhaskfuajmhfgkasfg
excitemINT!!!!! hahaha
Mood: hyperactivelyxcited1derfullofjoyousdayhappycrazedweirdyES!
Music: i don't need any music! i'm CRAAAAZZZZYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!